You are not special. That’s the sentence that stared me in the face part way through my latest lockdown read. A bit harsh. Isn’t it? Yet as I read the chapter I realised it nicely pulled together some of my recent thoughts. And in fact I agreed with the author. It was like he had delved into my brain, picked out the jigsaw pieces I’d been puzzling over and put them together in one, yes harsh, but satisfyingly clear picture.
The vast majority of your life will be boring and not noteworthy, and that’s ok.
Matt Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
This seems like negative advice, doesn’t it? I probably wouldn’t have put it together quite like this if I’d managed to collect my thoughts together on my own. And I think its important to provide some wider context. Because we are special and life isn’t boring. We are wonderfully unique and life is actually really fucking magical (excuse the language, staying in the spirit of the book). I think the point he’s making is that we are not more special than the next person. And when we compare the events of most of our life with what society deems successful, most of our life is “boring and not noteworthy”. I think that when he says “You are not special”, he means, you are not special in comparison to others. But, then again, he might not..and I might have interpreted it to suit my own thoughts. ANYWAY. This is what I learnt.
Permission to be boring
My mind had been feeling ‘off’ for a few days (I can’t quite explain it. Off seemed like the best word.) But on reading this book my mind settled into enjoying the present moment. Every boring second of it. It was like permission to take my foot off the accelerator, stop planning for the future, stop trying to do something ‘worthwhile’. To accept that it’s ok to just do ‘boring’ things. I don’t need to achieve in this time. I don’t need to use this time wisely. I don’t need to do anything at all.
I enjoy reading. I enjoy drawing. I enjoy just sitting in the garden. I enjoy running slowly. I enjoy thinking slowly. I enjoy doing everything slowly. I enjoy writing. I enjoy cooking. I even enjoy doing the washing up. I enjoy watching two films in a row. So I’ll just do those things.
These things only become “boring and not noteworthy” when I compare them to what I could be doing or what other people are doing. During this lockdown I’m enjoying each moment more than I ever have before. I’ve found joy in the mundane. Gratitude for the little things. Life becomes a lot brighter, more colourful, more playful, more awe-inspiring when you take notice of the little things.
The present moment
It all comes down to focusing our attention on the present moment. On OUR present moment. Who cares if we’re doing as much as Sheila. Or if Tony will think we’re boring. Or if in five years time we haven’t ticked everything off the achievement list set by our society. That list of things we all decided we need to achieve in life to feel we have worth: that salary, that car, that house, that ring, that baby, that marathon, that recognition, that status, that business. There is power in focusing on the present moment, which reminded me of a quote in another book:
The moment that judgement stops through acceptance of what it is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace.
Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
I’m not saying I’m going to stop working hard, having goals or challenging myself. I’m saying I don’t want to work towards anything just so I have done something noteable with my time. Something that makes me ‘special’ for the sake of being special. Something I feel I should do. For whatever reason. Driven by society, family, or my own lack of self-worth. And I’m not going to do it at the expense of focusing on now.
I’m becoming happier with the present moment. I’m becoming happier being me, right now, without striving to be better, or always working for the future. I’m learning to allow life to just to flow, at risk of it being “boring and not noteworthy”. When I live in the present moment, I find joy in the simplest of things. A sunny day, fresh ingredients, quality chats, time to read, cosy socks, flowers. I’m not always in this place, but recently I’ve spent more time in it than ever before. So I know for sure when I say the boring, present moments are where an unshakeable peace and joy lies.
Have any of you been struggling with the need to achieve for the sake of achieving during this time? Has anyone been feeling compelled to do something because they felt they should? Maybe you don’t experience this at all? Or you’ve found a way to quieten those thoughts? Let me know!
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