On deleting Instagram for two months

I was surprised at how much I noticed it was gone and how much it affected life outside the squares.

I wouldn’t say I was addicted to Instagram, but with my phone’s screen time monitor showing me I consistently spend over 40 minutes a day Instagramming, I’d say I spent too much time on it.

I’d also say social media didn’t affect my mental health as I used it in a relatively positive way – other than keeping up with my friends, I make a conscious effort to use the algorithms to feed myself information that inspires me and I also make sure I follow people who make it clear that Instagram only shows about 1% of their actual life. Despite thinking this I’d still end up in a scroll hole, spend ages deciding which photos to post or how to caption one, and compare myself to everyone seemingly doing lots with their lives.

So when I had to replace my phone, I didn’t reinstall Instagram. And I really liked not having it.

I gained an hour a day.

I had scroll withdrawal symptoms. Genuinely. I’d absentmindedly unlock my phone looking for something to scroll and when Instagram wasn’t there I didn’t know what to do. There’s interesting research that our brains crave new information, whether or not its useful, which definitely explains my crave for the scroll. Fortunately my Facebook feed is full of rubbish and I only get so many emails, so eventually I got out of the habit. I had lots of extra time and chunks of my day didn’t disappear into the depths of an Instagram stalk.

When I was doing something, I was completely present.

I started enjoying each moment more. This seems silly but I know its not just me. Whatever I was doing, or not doing, I was living rather than thinking about taking a good photo that would make it look like I’d had a great time. Even though I didn’t post that much, it had been a thought in the back of my mind more than I’d like to admit. And I was happy in my own bubble, unaware of what the rest of the world was doing with their day and not comparing my day to anyone else’s. If I enjoyed myself I was happy. Before it might have been tainted by seeing someone else doing something more ‘fun’.

I had more conversations with people I cared about.

It was my social connections that benefitted the most. Ironically. I hated the idea of being out of the loop and that the world would go on without me, but it turns out you can actually communicate with people and ask them what they’ve been doing, and your friends do the same. I had more time and energy for genuine interaction, which I gained much more from that just seeing what people were doing on their stories and feeds. Its much more worthwhile to actually find out about someones life than just to see the Instagram-worthy moments, where they might not have even been enjoying themselves.

Back on it.

I’ve downloaded it again but I’m not really sure about it. I thought used it in a positive way, but it still became an unhealthy part of my life – from the time I spent on it, to the time I spent making moments Instagrammable when I wasn’t on it. As someone who can be quite self-critical and worry about people’s perceptions of myself, I think it was important to step back and stop thinking about how I can put my life on a highlight reel.

Just because its become normal for us to have a personal highlight reel doesn’t mean we shouldn’t question its affect on ourselves. Why do we post and what do we post? What do we gain from sharing? What do others gain? Is it purely to share? Is it to make sure others think we have a nice life? Is it to inspire? Is it to make ourselves feel better? Is it to connect with others? Is it to show off? Questions I think it’d be good if we asked ourselves and that I’m still working on my answers to.

I know that a previous me would probably tell myself I post pictures of me having fun so my friends could see what I was up to. In reality my Instagram was just a curated feed of the impression I want to give others of me and my life. I suppose this was fair enough as that’s all Instagram can really be, but I think that knowing how much I am influenced by other people’s Instagram’s (‘influencers’ would be out of a job if so many of us weren’t), I want to be careful about what impression I give.

For now I’ve completely deleted my personal Instagram but have kept the one relating to my blog as I enjoy the creativity of writing and Instagram is a good way to share it. I want to use it to share things I like to read or write about – health, mindset and the outdoors. So I suppose my Instagram will be a curated feed of moments and thoughts that relate to that. Its still a curated feed but I’ve moved away from the need to make my feed a highlight reel of my life because I know (and I hope its clear that) my feed is a very small piece of all of the thoughts and moments that make up my life.

Maybe you’re reading this and it resonates with you, or maybe you think its totally over the top. Either way, these are just my personal thoughts on my relationship with the app and I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to use it. It seems like this will be a more healthy balance for me. I’m pleased I deleted it and probably will again in the future if I think I’m getting a bit to involved (I’ve already started taking more photos than I did when I didn’t have the app and time has disappeared into the scroll). Our phones seem to be an ever bigger presence in our lives so I think its important to understand their affects on each of us individually, and I know now that I wasn’t using it in a way that suited me.

Its funny isn’t it, how much a little app can influence our lives.